| I confess, i messed up... |
[22 Jan 2006|07:01pm] |
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 why am i always so cold ? |
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The honorary title- everything i once had. |
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yeah, so...everything is just a giant blur. i don't know what to do with myself anymore. school is fucked up. home is fucked up. half of my friends fucking hate me. i cant seem to trust anyone anymore. it seems like everyone is disappointed in me. like no matter what i do i can be good enough for anyone. and it hurts. and everyone keeps saying it you start to believe it. i wish i could just disappear into nothing. just be a small little thing that no one bothered to notice, no one bothered to say shit about. i wish...everything is just going downhill. i cant establish the different between being able to trust someone and being over-paranoid. I just don't wanna get hurt again... i don't know. maybe shit with matt will happen. once you start caring for someone, it's hard to lose that person, and when you do...it sucks... i cant seem to get along with anyone right now. i try, i really do. but not many people understand me anymore. i'm changing... that's it. everyone is saying i'm changing for the worst. but i'm NOT! I actually show i have feelings now, and i would never do that before. i used to keep everything inside until i couldnt take it anymore. but now i'm showing feelings for someone- matt. its getting harder. i just wanna close up and not let him in so i dont have to get hurt, but no one understands that. and i just wish they would...
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[10 Dec 2005|11:39pm] |
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 wtf am i doing wrong? |
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The Juliana Theory- shotgun serenade |
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So... i dont know whats happening anymore. Ive been wit matt for like a little while now...and i really do like him but hes a horrible boyfriend. his friend dennis likes me, along with his friend jeff (come back to him in a bit), and brian. I dont know if i should try to work things out with matt or just end it...im so confused. Jeff asked me out...and i made it PERFECTLY clear that i dont like him like that and that i could never see him as anything more, but today he asked me to the dinner dance. i told him that i was going wit caroline and now he thinks im a lesbian. everything is getting so fucked up...i got in a fight wit morgan and now i have half of the girls in my school against me... and i swear to god im gonna punch breanna in her little muffin head if she keeps talking shit. its getting annoying..she wont say it to my face but when im around her she makes sure to talk extra loud so i can hear it. Ive lost so many of my closest friends when i moved and it really sucks. Lisa replaced me with brittany fucking mallinger. Chad...hmm i dont even know what happened wit us but the one thing i do know is that it really blows. and amy lives too fucking far away and she probably never gonna come back so it doesnt even matter. now i ahve a bunch of fake friends who tell em what i wanna hear when im around them but tlak shit about me when im not there... its not worth it anymore... why cant people just tell u what they think...instead of avoiding everything...?
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| Dont Know Anymore... |
[22 Oct 2005|01:57pm] |
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 Look What You've Done To Me |
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Augustana |
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Okay so I still consider myself single...cause i know he considers himself single too. He tells me he loves me and I say it back but in all honesty...i dont think i really do. I mean at first Ill admit that i totally did...but he lied to me and i dont care how many times he denies it because i know the truth. And its so much worse because when i asked him about it he lied straight out and i wouldnt have been mad if he wouldve just told me...i mean if he wouldve told me he lied it wouldnt have gone this far...and i would be able to end it alot easier. But do i really wanna end it? Its hurting mme more and more everyday just talking to him....but it would still hurt to end it...cause maybe deep down in my heart i really do care about him....but i just keep on thinking about that lie and how could he really care about me if he lied about that.I dont know if i really want to end it though...Ive been thinking about ending it for months now but something is stopping me. I mean i finally let my guard down...and see what happens? I get hurt again...im just gonna end it...and hope for the best i guess...
~Carol~
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| bleh |
[20 Sep 2005|05:42pm] |
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so i moved to stratford now...which really sucks. Ive been in the house alot and ive been so bored lately. I had to transfer schools so now im going to a catholic school but i can go tot he public school if i really want to. Even though i know people in the catholic school...i dont really like any of them so i think i might go to the public school and make new friends so i can actually not be depressed here...but w/e...everyone should call me cause im so lonely :( lol
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| ... |
[08 Sep 2005|07:10pm] |
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crying will only make it worse |
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Relient K- Which To Bury; Us or the hatchet |
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OKay so everything is just kind-of...blah for me right now...like i truly wanna tell the person what im thinking about this situation and its just hard for me because i dont wanna say how i feel then have him feel the exact opposite way...i mean i dont wanna lose everything ive gotten with him so far so im not gonna push anything...and i guess ill just have to wait and see if anything really changes...and my home life really isnt doing well right now...i mean for some reason ive been really jumpy...like so fucking paranoid and i really dont know why...i think its cause ive been remember alot of stuff thats happened a while ago. Its like i wanna be alone and if anyone starts to fight i just leave no matter what im doing...i dont need to see the shit ive seen before...i mean its killing me inside...im surprised im not so fucked up right now. At the moment i just dont know how to deal with anything...im way more high strung that i should be...usually im just a laid back person but right now im just really paranoid...i mean im by myself half of the time...and i never really used to be alone before...i used to always have a group of friends around me that i would hang out with all day...but i guess things are just changing for the worse right now...and ill have to get over it...
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| WTF? |
[26 Aug 2005|03:04pm] |
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 content |
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Red tuesday- hesitation |
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God people annoy me so much...especially people like atalia and lisa and brittany... I mean we all know they're not really Bi. I know that Atalia says it so she can get attention from guys for being Bi...i mena she acts like shes done all of this shit with other girls but we all know its not true. Then Lisa just says she Bi cause she just wants to be going out with someone since her BF (timmy) just dumped her and she doesnt think she can get any other guys to go out with her. And Brittany just says it cause she has that weird label as " Bisexual Emo Chick"...god thats what everyone in school labels her so she just goes along with it. Labels also annoy me...probably waaaaaaaaay too much...god i wish i was stuck on an island..just clear my head.
Stuck on an island and you can bring one person or one thing...who or what would you bring?
Easy question for me to answer...but what's your answer...? email me...really curious...bittersweetoxox@Yahoo.com
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| Lyrics |
[26 Aug 2005|02:47pm] |
Red Tuesday
-Possibility
I never thought it would come to this.
But if we didn’t try, we wouldn’t know what we would miss.
And everything now seems so real.
Because now we both know how we feel…
“So maybe…just maybe…”
It started out as love-hate;
Insults tossed around to agitate.
But I started to see something more;
It just wasn’t something to ignore.
So maybe, we can find a way.
We can make something of this day.
And maybe, all can be overcome.
We can go to the other side and watch what we become…
Now what we’ve never thought of has come to be.
A great future is what I foresee.
Between us, is there love?
Maybe the spirits will tell us from above.
I think it’s time we took a rest…
So maybe, we can find a way.
We can make something of this day.
And maybe, all can be overcome.
We can go to the other side and watch what we become…
So run away; I’ll let you go.
And one day, we’ll finally know,
That together, we are one.
Together, we will be one.
I think it’s time we had a talk…
I never thought it would come to this.
But if we didn’t try, we wouldn’t know what we would miss.
And everything now seems so real.
Because now we both know how we feel…
So maybe, we can find a way.
We can make something of this day.
And maybe, all can be overcome.
We can go to the other side and watch what we become…
Wow sometimes isnt it just weird how music lyrics can seriously relate to other people?
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| Red Tuesday Lyrics |
[26 Aug 2005|02:21pm] |
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Red Tuesday |
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And With That She Cries
I see you standing there in the in the pouring rain.
In search for something but it is completely in vain.
I see your pain written across your face. It was he who did this again.
He said, “I want you out of my life.”
While you stand there out in the cold,
You get a lump in your throat and begin to tear.
I know of a tale that involves a girl.
It all happened in one November year.
I know what you've been through.
So now let me help you.
Nothing but lies, love, and deceit
And with that she cries to me.
In her last resort she runs up,
All those stairs and climbs atop not aware.
She stands up tall on the rooftop above.
Looking for her guardian angel to come.
I can see its raining tears from all your fears.
He was no good and would break your heart. I could have told you that.
Now I can see the tears rolling down your cheek.
So cry me an ocean and I’ll find my way.
I know what you've been through.
So now let me help you.
Nothing but lies, love, and deceit
And with that she cries to me.
I know what you've been through.
So now let me help you.
Nothing but lies, love, and deceit
And with that she cries to me.
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[26 Aug 2005|02:11pm] |
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~~~For some reason this songs really appeals to me...~~~
Artist: Copeland
Album: In Motion
Song: Don't Slow Down
With a heart so pure
You could fall so quickly
But don't you dare slow down for me
Were it not for hearts like mine
Calloused thickly
You could fall so easily
(Don't you dare slow down for me)
You could take everything I have
Just don't leave my side now, don't leave my side
You could take everything I have
Just don't leave my side now, don't leave my side
Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
This moment could be our last
You fall in love and I'm running after
You move way too fast
But don't slow down
And don't let go
Hold me close now, lest I fall
They say I don't know how to love the right way
But you make me feel, you make me feel like I do
You could take everything I have
Just don't leave my side now, don't leave my side
You could take everything I have
Just don't leave my side now, don't leave my side
Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
This moment could be our last
You fall in love and I'm running after
You move way too fast
Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
(Don't slow down)
This moment could be our last
(Don't slow down)
You fall in love and I'm running after
(Don't slow down)
You move way too fast
Don't slow down
Don't slow down
Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
This moment could be our last
You fall in love and I'm running after
You move way too fast
Cause your words hit like a train and I can't ignore it
(Don't slow down)
This moment could be our last
(Don't slow down)
You fall in love and I'm running after
(Don't slow down)
You move way too fast
Don't slow down
Don't slow down
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| Copeland lyrics... |
[26 Aug 2005|02:05pm] |
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Copeland-Pin Your Wings |
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Hey Amanda
Where'd you find these crazy boys this time?
They say you're pretty but you don't think they're right.
Hey Amanda
While you're staring at your telephone tonight
do you feel like turning it off, turning off all of the lights?
Pin your wings down
if it's over now
Pin your wings down
just take a chance somehow
Hey Amanda
who just threw your heart away this time?
And when you're crying on your bed does he help keep you alive?
Pin your wings down
if it's all over now
Pin your wings down
just take a chance somehow
I'll take the blame if you take me home now
Cuz there's no place left for trust in all this pain
And you know when it rains in this town I get washed away
Without a sound
So pin my wings down
If it's over
If it's over now
Pin your wings down
if it's over now
Pin your wings down
just take a chance somehow
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| bleh bleh bleh... |
[26 Aug 2005|01:53pm] |
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crappy |
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Never Over |
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Ever miss someone that you just talked to? Its such a weird feeling when you talk to someone for a while then you either get off the phone or sign offline and you already miss them...imagine it happening everyday lol. Ever not been able to stop thinking about someone..its like no matter what you do you're always still thinking about them...like you're just sitting there wondering what theyre doing or if they're thinking about you too...
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[25 Aug 2005|07:24pm] |
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 bitchy |
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Section 8- Flow |
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SO...ever like someone who has a girlfriend? ever like someone who lied to you? Ever like someone you cant have? Well if you ahve you would probably know that all of those things really blow...I mean why do we always want what we can't have? Its always alot harder when we want guys that we cant ever have for whatever reason. The whole dictance thing sucks because if you both like each other but you still wanna be able to do stuff with other people since your both never gonna get to be together and you just dont think its worth it. Or you're in a LD relationship and it sucks cause its hard to trust the other person cause ur not there to know exactly what theyre doing or if they ahve other girls or whatever. I guess it just sucks cause no matter what you do LD doesnt work unless both people seriously wanna make it work...ya know?! ugh! Im in such a bad fucking mood...adilah made me go tot he mall with her and her stupid mom didnt pick us up for 6 hours...she was supposed to be there a half hour after she dropped us so she could give adilah money to buy shit but she was too busy whoring herself out or something....god life seriously sucks...especially right now...
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[23 Aug 2005|04:37pm] |
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Personality Type Report for Carolyn
Your Personality Preferences
INTROVERT
While you may not be anti-social, you do need (and deserve) your private time and space to retreat from the world. Unlike extroverts, you need to develop a concept of the world or some aspect of it before experiencing it. Too much socializing may sap your energies. Your energies are derived from exploring the inner world of ideas, impressions and pure thought.
INTUITIVE
While you do process information through your senses you add a twist to your processing by relying on intuition and serendipity. You look for undercurrents of meaning and abstractions in what you experience physically. You do not just see things just as they are, but as what they could be. While you may rely on common sense at times, you trust inspiration far more.
PERCEIVING
You like to have as much information as possible before making a decision. Putting off a final decision until the last moment does not make you uncomfortable. Indeed once a decision is made, a course plotted, you may feel a bit uneasy, because you feel bound to a certain course of action. You would much prefer to wait and see what happens. You enjoy the opportunity to improvise. Commitments are not etched in stone to you, and are changeable.
FEELING
You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.
Your Personality Type
Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Perceiving
You are devoted and compassionate. You have a well-developed distaste for rules, orders and schedules. You are a natural born learner and can get so absorbed in your projects that you forget those around you. You are passionate about your beliefs and love ideals. You have very high standards for yourself. You are very creative, sensitive, reserved, and introspective. You respect the values of others and expect them to respect yours.
In relationships you are loyal and totally committed. You prefer a few deep relationships over a horde of acquaintances. Because you are somewhat reserved, you do best in one on one and small group situations. When you feel comfortable, you can be very entertaining and capricious. You are nurturing and supportive by nature. You greatest social challenge is to balance your need to withdraw into your inner-world with your need to keep a strong connection with those you care for. .
Famous People of Your Type:
Homer, Virgil, Mary, mother of Jesus, St. John, St. Luke, William Shakespeare, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, A. A. Milne, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Helen Keller, Carl Rogers, Fred Rogers, Dick Clark, Donna Reed, Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis, Neil Diamond, Tom Brokaw, James Herriot, Annie Dillard, James Taylor, Julia Roberts, Scott Bakula, John F. Kennedy, Jr.
Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:
Actor, architect, artist, composer, editor, translator, journalist, librarian, musician, occupational therapist, psychotherapist, educator, researcher, scientist, and writer.
Take The Assessment Again
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| bleh |
[23 Aug 2005|04:33pm] |
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okay so no on eis probably gonna read this but ill post it anyway...NO ONE should read the post under this one cause i was just rambling...have a nice day
lol
~Carol
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| confused... |
[23 Aug 2005|03:57pm] |
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so...ever feel like when you say "i love you" or when someone else says it to you...they're just kind of empty words? like its an automatic reaction to say it...without really meaning it. I mean how do you know if you truly love someone...? Love means a different thing to every person but what exactly is love? well according to that webster lady this is what love means: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion. unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.~~~~ well i think that is what love can mean...but i think theres more to it. i mean to me love is when you would do anything to make the person that you love happy...or you would do anything just for them. You would be there for them no matter what happens and you would never want to hurt them...maybe thats just what i think but everyone has their own perception of it. The average person falls in love 4-7 times before they find "the one"...well what if the two people arent average...can you find the person that is "the one" or whatever the first time...is it really that unlikely....i dunno but if you do please email me cause i think i need all of the help i can get lol...Bittersweetoxox@yahoo.com
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[22 Aug 2005|07:29pm] |
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Copeland-Pin You Wings |
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Hmmm...why the fuck would i be going to hell?!
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[22 Aug 2005|07:18pm] |
| You scored as Your Made To GIVE HEAD. You love dick and you should go ahead and suck some today, actually now!
Your Made To GIVE HEAD | | 92% | Your ok, not bad | | 72% | Sucking Champion | | 72% | Scared Of Dick | | 40% | WHAT A LOSER | | 0% | </td>
Are You Good At Oral Sex?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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[22 Aug 2005|07:13pm] |
| You scored as Oral sex/ 69. The 69 position or just oral sex otherwise known as cunnilingus on a woman and felatio on a man is a wonderful position for women who can not orgasm or find it hard to orgasm during sex. This position offers constant stimulation to the clitorous and the entire vaginal area by the man's tongue and at the same time (if in the 69) she can be pleasuring the man with oral sex which is highly erotic to some people.
Doggie-Style | | 100% | Probably Bi-sexual | | 100% | Oral sex/ 69 | | 100% | Anal sex | | 100% | Cowgirl Position | | 70% | Missionary | | 40% | </td>
Which sexual position is best for you? (women)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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[22 Aug 2005|07:11pm] |
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okay so i ahve another livejournal that is just all of the stupid quizzes that i take when im bored and that i write in..well this one is the quizzes that i dont feel like putting in my other one so enjoooooy
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